blessings...count 'em...

So the past two weeks have been quite intense. Filled with all kinds of experiences. I have been struggling to stay awake the past two weeks, literally, I feel like I am not really awake. Strange feeling. Anyways. I guess I could talk about the past two weeks but one thing that really was something that brought me to tears for the first time since I've been here is something that also helped me to count my blessings ten-fold. My 3rd and 4th grade P.E. class started out the same as usual, some bickering but nothing really to call home for. However, at one point one of the boys and one of the girls started to get into a heated argument. Once again, I thought nothing of it and broke it up. Meanwhile while I was getting the game back into play, a couple kids slipped out of my eyesight. Me being so insistent that the game continue at a civilized pace, I was shocked to hear that the three little ones ran off to the playground. So I paused the game, walked over and they quickly jumped off their swings/other playground equipment and realized that they were not in the proper place. I asked them why they were playing on the playground, and then proceeded to tell them that I need them playing the game so that they do not lose points. I solved the issue and then realized little Kaitlyn still hanging around on the glider. Kaitlyn is such a sweet little innocent girl. EVERYDAY without fail, she will find me and say "excuse me Miss Ari, I haven't had my daily hug!" demanding it, hands on the hips and everything, with a HUGE cheeky grin. Without hesitation, and happily I will give her a hug. She likes to cling a little bit and I found out that she can be a bit clingy sometimes, mainly since last year when her parents went through a "nasty" divorce, I was told she can be this way sometimes. She is VERY smart, and beyond tough, she'll take a dodgeball to the face anyday, and walk away without a single tear. It is a big deal because she is the tiniest third grader I've seen but she surely can hold her own more than most of my older students. If anything she'll pick a fight with the kicker. She is the only one in the class I have not seen cry yet. Tough one. Anyways, I've grown somewhat closer to Kaitlyn since she goes to the church I've been attending and sometimes she'll ask for me and I make sure I find my little Kaitlyn. So back to the playground, as I was walking to the playground, one of Kaitlyn's friends, Kayli (who was also one of the sneaky ones to make it to the playground) runs up to me and tells me that Kaitlyn is calling herself  "dumb" "stupid" "ugly" "wimpy." Automatically it set off a red flag for me. All of these things she is most definitely not. NONE of my students are. And for me to hear that, it tore me up a bit inside before I even approached her. I sent Kayli back to the game, and approached Kaitlyn who was climbing on the glider. I picked her up and just held her for a bit, and she tells me "Miss Ari, you know, once you pick me up, you can't get me to let go" jokingly I said "ok Kaitlyn, but I still have to teach, so you can hold my hand ok?" She said ok and we walked back to the game where everyone was at. My heart was burning to ask her if she truly did say the things Kayli told me she did. I asked her "Kaitlyn, what were you saying about yourself back there?" She said, "I'm ugly, and stuuuuppppiiiid, and duuummbb, and wiiiimmmpppyyy," by now I had already had tears in my throat. She kept saying all these things and I stopped her and asked, "Kaitlyn? Do you really think that of yourself?" She replied, "yes, everyday. I'm no good at life." This is coming from a little girl who is always happy and smiling and is so full of life, it would be difficult as a P.E. teacher to find something that she wouldn't like, or wouldn't mind doing. I asked her, knowing excactly what her response would be, "Kaitlyn, does somebody tell you those things?" Kaitlyn, "yes, my daddy tells me that everyday. He says I'm the stupidest little girl in the world, I'm the only stupid little girl in the world." That just about killed me. I asked "Kaitlyn, do you know that you are soooo smart, and sooo fun, and verry pretty, and sweet?" She said, "no." So I replied, "wwwweeelll, I think you are, see everyone here thinks you are, every day they cheer you on. You're always helping people and having fun in P.E. and in class. I love how you are always willing to play and giving hugs to people...." I could write everything, but I don't remember everything I said. I just tried to encourage her as much as possible in that moment while it was there. I finished up P.E. and had to have a moment in my little P.E. closet. I was a bit distraught at how a dad could call his little girl all those terrible things. I know there are plenty of stories that may seem even more intense, but to me this was my first incident like this and I can honestly say it hit me a bit hard. All I could think of is how lucky I was to have a dad...or mom for that matter that has once, if ever said anything remote to those things and I know would never. An innocent, cute child like her has now been verbally beat down and she now will have that imprinted on her brain from now on. It is sad. But it helped me to count my blessings. So many times my parents could have called me stupid or one of those things, they could have but never have. On the grand scale of things, my own Heavenly Father could just squish me for doing something stupid, but I'm blessed. As is Kaitlyn. I just hope I can reach out to her or anyone else for that matter and help them to know that He loves them, all the time and does not hate us, and thinks the world of us. He sent His son for a reason. There is my event for the week. On a happy note of things.

The principal, my boss, took Suzi and I out to eat for dinner tonight and we had a fantastic time. I had the best salad of my life and I'm sure they other three did as well.

I miss my family and friends. But, I know I'm here for a reason :)

Isaac, Kristy, Kayli, Kaitlyn...and me tutoring after school :)

LOVE LOVE LOVE...the world needs an abundance more of it....if only.